Romantic Gender Gap

Brain City Berlin

Do stable relationships matter more to women or to men? An international study, in which the Institute of Psychology at Humboldt-Universität zu Berlin was involved in a leading role, investigated this question. With surprising results.

More and more people today live alone, either temporarily or permanently. According to an Allensbach survey, there were around 5.19 million “convinced singles” in Germany in 2024. And according to leading dating websites, one in three Germans between the ages of 18 and 69 is now single. The proportion of men is slightly higher than that of women.

But who suffers more from being alone? Romantic films and gender stereotypes suggest that women suffer more. Iris Wahring, research associate at the Institute of Psychology at Humboldt-Universität zu Berlin (HU Berlin), together with her colleagues Jeffry Simpson from the University of Minnesota and Paul van Lange from the Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, came to a different conclusion. The team compiled and analysed findings from more than 50 scientific studies on gender differences in heterosexual relationships. In the process, the researchers gained surprising insights. The most important finding: Stable relationships are psychologically more important for men than for women. “Men tend to be more focused on entering into stable relationships,” says Iris Wahring, lead author of the study. In addition, stable relationships had a more positive effect on the well-being and health of men than women. “Even the life expectancy of men depends more on whether they are in a stable relationship than is the case for women,” says Wahring. Another key finding of the study: Men are less likely than women to initiate a break-up in a stable relationship. They also feel more lonely after a separation and are less inclined to see the positive sides of the separation.

In a theoretical model, the three researchers also presented different explanations for these behavioural differences. Easy to understand: Emotional needs define relationship behaviour in a decisive way. “We know from numerous studies that women typically receive more emotional support from their social environment than men,” explains Iris Wahring. “Therefore, heterosexual men are more dependent on their steady partner to fulfil their emotional needs than heterosexual women.”

Co-author Paul van Lange sees the main reason for this emotional imbalance between the sexes in social norms. These influence the fact that women share emotions with others more often and support each other more than men. “Even young children experience these norms, according to which it is much more common and appropriate for girls than for boys to share emotions and vulnerabilities,” says van Lange. Without a steady partner, men often lack social contacts. To people to whom they can open up and who support them emotionally. This could have far-reaching consequences for health and well-being.

The theoretical model developed by the researchers based on the analysed findings takes into account gender differences in different phases of relationships. Until now, such a model did not exist – although the gender-specific connection between relationships and health, for example, is well documented. However, the study is based exclusively on findings on heterosexual relationships, mostly in western industrialised countries. van Lange: “Future studies will have to answer the gender-specific differences between men and women in homosexual relationships or in other cultures.”

The results of the study may surprise some singles. Nevertheless, women want a flirt to develop into a stable relationship just as much as men do. Now is actually the best time for romance and red roses. After all, Valentine’s Day is just one month away! (vdo)